Breaking out of a bubble...

Sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, I decided to do some writing for you, my fabulous readers...

Yesterday was my orientation at USC. It was quite the wake-up call for me. Not that I wasn't quite aware that I was going to be back in a predominately non-Jewish place, and very excited about it, but, when it happened it was quite a shock to the system.

Talk about reverse culture shock.
~ There was no food for the first two hours. OK - not that big a deal, right? DUDE coming out of the Jew world where there is food every time you turn around I didn't know what to do with myself. Now, I didn't realize how weird it was until an hour and a half into the session when I started looking for the food. But, still.
~I was aware of my Jew-isms (yiddish & hebrew) and that I needed to make sure to tone them down. But, I didn't realize that it would be so tiring being aware of this. I was exhausted last night after I got home. However, I didn't know why it was that I was so tired. I guess that will be one of my new added thinking exhaustions.
~ The idea of multiple events being on Friday nights and Saturdays and having to explain why Im not ok with that. In truth, the first Jew I met of the day also happened to be the last person I met - the social chair of the social network. It was nice that I didnt have to explain it.

So, where does that leave me? I am thrilled to be out of a Jew bubble, if only for a couple years. I don't think I realized how much of a bubble I've been in for the last three years. I knew that WUJS was a bubble, and I knew that Hillel has a bit of that, but I have non-Jewish friends, plenty of them! And, for the past couple years the only regular social life I have had has been with non-Jewish friends. However, I've lived a totally Jewish life in a Jewish community in a secular society.
I've been thinking a lot about this. There is a lot about how I live my life Jewishly now that I didn't do before three years ago. I know that going into the next two years I am going to have a lot of choices to make. As much as I felt that leaving Israel and coming back to the States was leaving where it is so easy and natural to be Jewish and live Jewishly, but, it was still part of my everyday surroundings. We closed early on Fridays for Shabbat. Saturdays are still Shabbat. No need to worry if I am going to choose to work or not on hag. Did I keep these days over the past couple years because it was convient? Do I want to observe them?
And, who do I talk to about this? My Rabbi? That makes sense. He'll be back in town in a couple weeks - but the more I think about it, how much does a rabbi know about being in the secular society all the time? I adore him, and of course my Rabbi is someone I would trust, but I'm still not sure that I should be, or want to be talking to him about it. Totally odd and weird, but still. So, then I got to thinking, who is the person that I usually go to.
The wise person that I want to talk to about decisions that I need to make in my life; well, the problem there is that I am trying to not be so attached to that person right now. That I don't know where we stand anymore and I don't know how to confront it so I'm trying to be strong and independent so that I know I can handle it. But can I? Sure, I can - but is that what I want. Do I want to be strong and independent and not have contact with someone who I think, or was it thought, is a good friend and confidant. The situation has changed. Do I have the right to ask advice stil? Isn't that what mentors are? Or was I misguided thinking that was the right label? And, really, why do I obsess?

So, who do I go to on this one? Its as big a question as the questions themselves...

And I thought the hardest part of grad school was going to be the studying.