Sunday, June 18, 2006

A New Beginning

I'm too tired to be writing this. Honestly, I should be asleep - but, I do this to myself and I choose to stay awake.

I spent the majority of 3pm Thursday thru 10pm Saturday with the School of Jewish Communal Service (SJCS) of Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion (LA campus). WOW - now, that was a mouthfull!

"Thursday Fun" started at the beach with some simple 'ice breakers', a beach photo scavenger hunt, and sand sculptures, all followed by dinner at one of our classmates' homes. Friday morning was the Official Semester Kick off with the entire School of JCS, and while we spent half of Friday on campus, it was a retreat and we did go "away" for Shabbat.

There are a lot of things I took from this weekend. First, I am so happy that I have found a school that places such a great emphasis on the importance of community - hence the retreat. I had a marvelous time getting to know the rest of the students of the SJCS. I have already challenged what is comfortable for me. And, I realized at our closing program that we have already created an incredible safe space within our community.

Needless to say, I'm thrilled to spend the rest of the summer, and the better part of the next two years with these people.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Door or Window... Open or Closed...

Yesterday was my last day as the Jewish Campus Service Corps Fellow at CSUN Hillel.

I had a ton of crap in my office that I brought home and desperaterly need to unpack, but have no desire to be anything but lazy at the moment.

Despite KNOWING that I'm going back there for lunch tomorrow I'm still devastated.

I got through the day and made it 3 whole stop lights before I started to cry when I left...

And I learned something - I don't know that I can call it an epiphany or a revelation - but, it is something. Here goes:
When I am doing something I dedicate myself to whatever it is so completely that it becomes part of my identity and being. When it is time to move on, I loose that part of myself which I leave behind.

The process of loosing that part of me which I leave behind is incredibly painful. (If you know me well you know that I am hypersensitive, especially to things of this manner.

Of course, that also means that I take part of it with me. And, I daresay that I take more with me than I leave.
The person that I am today, and mostly because of the job I have held for the past two years.

When I started working for Hillel I figured that it would be a good way to give back to the community and help students build their own community. That definitely was the case. What I could not have expected was that I would learn so much and get such fullfillment out of the time I have spent with students and my coworkers. And from the experiences that I have had.

In many ways I have a hard time leaving because there is so much more that I could do - but, as my friend (and now former boss) always says: "The to-do list is never done."

And, I'm going to school because I want to come back to Hillel. While I know that the best way for me to learn is by doing, I know that there is a lot that I can learn in school that will make the practical easier - or at least more quality.

Besides, in classic Alicia over-achieveing fashion, I'm not doing only one, but 2 masters simultaneously, and at different schools. Yes, the schools do have recognized dual-programs, but why would I go the easier (and FAR cheaper route) when I can do something groundbreaking - Make my own! In my defense, I looked at the existing programs and was not interested in the programs that are offered. Rather, I found programs in the area that I really want to study (Student Affairs) and because the one that really was the only one I thought was exciting is at one of the schools (USC) that has the joint programs I decided to do what I want... Today I met with the asst. director of the Jewish Communal Service program at HUC, and the faculty lead from my program at USC, and its looking VERY promising! While I'm going to have to pay separate tuitions to both schools, I should be able to make it all work.

So, new beginnings. I'm ready. Change is hard, but without it - we never go anywhere and that would be damn boring.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Living in LA

So, June seems to be the time of change in my life. And, I decided that with all the changes that I'm facing I need to do everything I can to make change. That involved 2 things: moving my bed to a different wall, and starting a blog.

On erev Shavuot I was driving home from work early in the afternoon. Yes, we were closing early that day, but I left extra early cause I was sick. Now, I NEVER get sick (it had been 5 years) so you know I was feeling pretty bad to leave work early (after all, Im the girl that they have to force to take vacation days).

Anyway, back to my drive. I was not so happy with the traffic on the freeway at 1pm on a Thursday, so I got off and was taking Wilshire Blvd. east to get home. Now, I drive west on Wilshire many a morning to get to work, but there is something different. In the mornings the stores aren't open, and the roads move relatively easily. I don't think much of driving through the heart of Beverly Hills, passing Rodeo Drive, and the fancy stores that I would never feel comfortable going near. As I drove more slowly, and in my desperate to get to my bed stupor, I saw things in a different light. I saw people dressed in the most "perfect" outfits, with the hair and make-up done just right going in and out of stores. I saw at least one woman who I sure spends all of her time shopping in over-priced establishments. And, I saw a woman with the most artifical breasts I have ever seen. Boobs just do not sit as hers did.

This got me to thinking - why am I here? I mean, I hear all the time how fake LA is. But, that is from what I call the "media" version of LA - the version where everyone is talking about that area of Beverly Hills I drove through. Or the hip and trendy clubs on Sunset. Or the areas where the Hollywood rich and famous hang out. That is all great. And, oh so close to where I live. But thats not me. Thats not my LA. My LA is full of incredibly diverse people. And I love the people I know. My neighborhood is full of immigrants - I hear Farsi and Hebrew out the windows of my apartment building. The grocery store I shop in most often makes me feel almost like I am in Israel. I spend my Sunday nights with the best friends a girl could have - we represent many different cultures. In that group I have nieces and nephews on all colors. And, I wouldn't want it any other way. I live in a neighborhood where I can walk to at least 2 dozen shuls... although I only frequent a handfull...

LA is full of diversity. And culture. And, if I want to find it, I can. I love LA. Thats not to say that I don't miss Israel. I often say that the only place I would live outside of LA is Israel. I miss it terribly, and I'm counting the time until I make my next visit...

I often ask myself if I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing right now. Am I where I am supposed to be? And the answer keeps coming back as YES. I am where I should be right now - and I have been doing what I should be doing. It feels right. And, yes. Beyond the plastic and the silicone, and the perfectly manicured lawns and nails of Beverly Hills - LA really is my home.